The example:
"I couldn't give two hoots what you want. I'm not doing it and that's final."
'I couldn't give two hoots' means 'I don't care', so it means you don't think it's important. It's quite mild and inoffensive but it does show that you're annoyed. In fact, it's quite cute. It's the kind of thing you say when you know children or your boss might be listening. There are lots of other ways to say it that shouldn't be used in front of children. More on that later.
How to use it correctly:
Just use it in the same situations as you'd use 'I don't care'. In fact, you can say 'I don't care two hoots.' You can use it with 'about', such as 'I couldn't give two hoots about her'. You can also say 'I don't care a hoot'. So, you can give one hoot or two, but never more than that. There are no three-hoot situations, even if you really really don't care.
And there's no positive way to use this. You can't say: 'I really give two hoots about you. You're so important to me'.
Other versions:
There are so many other ways to say this. Not caring about something is something that we all care deeply about, so we need to say it often and in as many different ways as possible.
I couldn't care less.
I don't/couldn't give a damn.
I couldn't give a fig.
I couldn't give a monkey's.
OK, but let's be realistic. You've never heard those. These are the ones you've heard and that we actually do use:
I don't/couldn't give a fuck/a shit.
I couldn't give two shits.
Obviously, those aren't polite, but when you really want to show you're annoyed, hoots just aren't really enough. It's shits and fucks that you need.
Please remember that you can only give one fuck but you can give two shits. Or can't. Whatever.
Literal meaning:
'Hoot' is the sound an owl makes. Why does it mean you don't care? I have no idea. As far as I know, there is no connection between owls and not caring. For all I know, they may care a lot.
But, to be totally honest, when I see an owl sitting in a tree, just watching, doing nothing, I suppose he probably really couldn't give two hoots about anything. He's probably just thinking about mice or whatever owls eat. In fact, he's probably looking at this human and thinking: 'This guy probably wants me to do something. Like make a noise or fly. But I'm not going to. I'm going to show him how little I care by not hooting. Not two hoots. Not even one hoot. Zero hoots. That'll show that big dumb human that I really don't give a shit about him. What's he even looking at me for? Doesn't he have a job to go to?'
OK, so maybe it does make sense after all.
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